1st death anniversary

Bleak title, dreary post, black Wednesday. 

My little brother died yesterday, last year. I remember I was in my room and Leia was asleep downstairs when Cw came rushing into my room asking "did cy contacted you?" I said no and brushed off the qn when he startled me by saying "army wanna charge him for AWOL" that's when I went like "wth!!" and demanded answers, being the kan chiong me. 

It was when I told Cw to call my mil and ask what really happened when she was crying over the phone and saying that she's in the cab home because army called her and said that someone was found dead at her void deck, they think he/she might be her son, can she go and check (LIKE SERIOUSLY?! Check? Army should mind how they phrase their sentence).

I didn't even have time to put a proper bra on, I told my dad that I needed to borrow his car (as I didn't have one back then), because cy committed suicide. Of course, I shouldn't have used that word because we didn't know, we gotta "check" remember? But being the anxious me, I just blurted that word out and everybody went like "HUH?" 

Fast forward to when we reached my mil's house, we saw a death tent. I told Cw to quickly get out and verify who is that, praying that is wasn't cy! I couldn't park on that day. I did like 10 tries of vertical parking, sweating like crazy in an aircon car. I know all those male readers out there might scorn at how a female park. You let me know how you parked when your brother dies. 

So anyway, it was him alright. That's when I bawled like crazy. He was such a good boy! I was on better terms with him instead of Eugene. Not that I hated Eugene, but there were more things to talk about with Cy. I told the policewoman who took me aside that I dunno what went wrong. Cause, in all honesty, I really don't. 

When all of Cw's friends came, they also dunno how to react. I only remembered crying infront of Melissa and her bf when they told me that cy might have done some soccer betting, because to me, if money can solve problems, it isn't a problem at all. I'm not rich, but I'm pretty sure, almost all would agree. 

I'm not going into details as to what cause him to jump down. But I'm happy that he has nice friends. Like super duper nice friends. When we were tired from the "shou ye", their friends said they'll do it. All 5 of them got lots of red bull and just played poker. Where to get friends like that? Maybe my friends won't even shou ye for me. Hahahaha!!

But yes, little brother, I know you did a foolish thing, I bet you laughed at me for almost dying from attempting suicide. I'm not here to laugh at you, I'm here to thank you. The pain that I went through because you died, it reminded me of what my parents and sisters might go thru, and it sure hurts like hell! And because it hurts like hell, I don't want any relatives of mine to go thru that. So yes, I don't think I'll attempt that act anymore, but it means that I can only get to miss you. :)

I sometimes hated you for this. Like really hated you, because I have tonnes of qns for you! Till we meet again, when I'm gone, I guess I'll just continue missing you! Oh, did you know that my daughter is all grown up from the last you saw her?