Cw said somthing to cheer me up yesterday. He said - My wife is my motivator. Well, I just stared at him because to be all honest, I didn't know this myself. And yes, I didn't answer him actually but I felt all gooey and mushy within.
How long I knew Cw? 10 months and yes, we are married. I was apprehensive to be with this guy actually. He isn't trendy, he isn't romantic, he isn't wealthy that makes all girls swoon over him. I got pregnant just within 6mths of dating so tell me, what sort of guy does that?
However after knowing I'm pregnant, he wanted the baby more than me. I was the egoistic, career-minded woman and in all truthfulness, I didn't want to be tied down, more less tied down to someone who back then, couldn't really provide for a family. As days go by and the thought of abortion just on my mind, I spent my time googling for abortion clinics behind Cw's back. What made me stop? The thought that I'm killing my baby. So yes, we talked about having the baby but not the marriage as I didn't like the thought of being tied down TWICE.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not going out seducing guys. If I were to attribute why the thought of marriage scares me, I'll say the insecurity that Cw portrays. Ask all women in the world out there, and see what comes top besides Love and chemistry, they'll say security. So yes, we are parents to Leia (The name I gave my daughter), but not spouse to one another. We'll be responsible and we'll bring her up together.
So then... Why am I married? Simply cause Cw showed me the security I needed. He gave in to my every whine, every whim, bought me food and looking back, I played the most annoying bitch, threw every tantrum I could muster, spoke to him in such a rude manner I bet 99% of guys will just leave me. Yes! That's what I did. And when he was still loving and caring thats when I snapped back to reality telling myself where can I find another guy in the same mould? Even my sisters sided with him telling me how unreasonable I am that he have to do everything, but he told my sisters he doesn't blame me, he understands the pregnancy I'm going through. So thats my husband for you now.
Now that I'm starting up my own little retail line, he is all supportive behind me. He didn't grumble or put me down and when I spend my time sourcing for materials, clothes and doing my own market research on what fits the Singapore trend, he was behind me all the way. When I got my model and photographer, not an ounce of complain was spoken. So yes, I'm married to the nerdiest guy but he is someone who treats me well. Next year, when he is out entertaining clients and I have to be alone with Leia, I have no such regrets cause I know that even though my husband is entertaining, he is out working, providing a better life for both of us.
Marriage life can change a man for better or for worse, I'm glad mine is giving me more than he could give in the past. Contentment is one word to describe my life for now.
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