So I quarrelled with my hus today... Yes, a real HUGE fight whereby I left the room and just switched on the telly. I know I shouldn't always be blaming on the pregnancy for the bad tantrums (Although I must admit, ever since I'm diagnosed pregnant, it really is a convenient excuse).

Stupid thing really to argue about the bed position. And I nust tell myself NEVER to test my hus patience. Everyone has their limits in life, even me. So even though I know he is more accomodating in this relationship, I can't just be overbearing. That's not wifely behaviour at all. I attribute this to being a spoilt brat. As hus is always the one giving in, and I'm always the receiver. But now I learn that in the long run, I'll be the one "suffering", my hus is already putting me first beyond everything.

I should be contented and seriously, I am, cause I've seen hus changing so much. From having low self-confidence, I am seeing him very motivated in setting up his own business, to him wanting to own a PHYSICAL shop. I've NEVER seen this side of him before and truth be told, I like this side of him.

Which woman doesn't want a motivated hus, someone whom she can rely and entrust her whole life to. Furthermore, with Leia inside me, its like getting a bonus to see your hus working so hard. <3

Anyway, back to non-family stuff now. I'm pondering on getting a camera. I've never owned one in my life, cause I hardly take pictures of my myself, needless to say my partner. But now that I'm spending most of my time as a blogger, a founder of a retail e-shop (Soon to be), I must think of investing in one. I'm not into those DSLR as I'm still new and it would be a wastage of money as I don't even know what functions means what etc...

But anyone reading this, do give me comments on what kind of camera I can invest in. I'm googling on any small, sleek ones that I can bring around and take pictures of Leia growing up, As a mummy, I would like that. And because I still have no idea how to upload pictures from an iPhone, I can only show pictures of this potential baby bag that one of my friend, Shawn is getting....

 

Introspecting...

This is going to be an uber long entry. Readers who can't stand wordy entries, do steer clear.

Cw said somthing to cheer me up yesterday. He said - My wife is my motivator. Well, I just stared at him because to be all honest, I didn't know this myself. And yes, I didn't answer him actually but I felt all gooey and mushy within.

How long I knew Cw? 10 months and yes, we are married. I was apprehensive to be with this guy actually. He isn't trendy, he isn't romantic, he isn't wealthy that makes all girls swoon over him. I got pregnant just within 6mths of dating so tell me, what sort of guy does that?

However after knowing I'm pregnant, he wanted the baby more than me. I was the egoistic, career-minded woman and in all truthfulness, I didn't want to be tied down, more less tied down to someone who back then, couldn't really provide for a family. As days go by and the thought of abortion just on my mind, I spent my time googling for abortion clinics behind Cw's back. What made me stop? The thought that I'm killing my baby. So yes, we talked about having the baby but not the marriage as I didn't like the thought of being tied down TWICE. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going out seducing guys. If I were to attribute why the thought of marriage scares me, I'll say the insecurity that Cw portrays. Ask all women in the world out there, and see what comes top besides Love and chemistry, they'll say security. So yes, we are parents to Leia (The name I gave my daughter), but not spouse to one another. We'll be responsible and we'll bring her up together.

So then... Why am I married? Simply cause Cw showed me the security I needed. He gave in to my every whine, every whim, bought me food and looking back, I played the most annoying bitch, threw every tantrum I could muster, spoke to him in such a rude manner I bet 99% of guys will just leave me. Yes! That's what I did. And when he was still loving and caring thats when I snapped back to reality telling myself where can I find another guy in the same mould? Even my sisters sided with him telling me how unreasonable I am that he have to do everything, but he told my sisters he doesn't blame me, he understands the pregnancy I'm going through. So thats my husband for you now.

Now that I'm starting up my own little retail line, he is all supportive behind me. He didn't grumble or put me down and when I spend my time sourcing for materials, clothes and doing my own market research on what fits the Singapore trend, he was behind me all the way. When I got my model and photographer, not an ounce of complain was spoken. So yes, I'm married to the nerdiest guy but he is someone who treats me well. Next year, when he is out entertaining clients and I have to be alone with Leia, I have no such regrets cause I know that even though my husband is entertaining, he is out working, providing a better life for both of us.

Marriage life can change a man for better or for worse, I'm glad mine is giving me more than he could give in the past. Contentment is one word to describe my life for now.

My Life....

My Life:

Being married for the first time. Conceiving my first child. Typing in this new blog although I know I should be checking inventory and checking emails.

No pictures for now, as hus has yet to download iTunes so that I can transfer photos into this space. But he is busy clearing his room or being lazy (like now) so this is like a naked entry.

Right now, I'm busy stocking up on make up and mask. A pregnant woman can be a pretty woman as well. I don't believe that just because I'm pregnant, I have to not do this or not do that. Too many restrictions can have a negative impact on pregnancy. And all that talk about how mothers must be happy as their babies can feel the mood of mothers.

If thats the case, then as long as the mother isn't doing anything to harm her baby, I find it pretty much okay. Like my hus favourite word for me now - Moderation!

Alrighty. I better get back to inventory now. More about my life in the next few entries.... :)